Was Jesus vulnerable?
Was Jesus vulnerable? Not merely in the cute, helpless way that every baby is vulnerable, but vulnerable in the way that children in Allepo, Syria are vulnerable to violence?
Was Jesus a vulnerable child?
Not merely in the cute, helpless way that every baby is vulnerable, but vulnerable in the way that children in Allepo, Syria are vulnerable to violence?
Vulnerable to prejudice and exclusion like children of immigrants?
Vulnerable to hunger and illness like children of the homeless?
The simple answer is Yes.
We know that Jesus was vulnerable in these ways, but most of our songs and traditions gloss over those parts of the Christmas story.
True confession:
I love The Christmas Song...
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose.
It's about being warm even when it's cold outside, good food and happy children, and being merry all-around. Christmas for many people really is a most wonderful time of the year.
But it's not that way for everyone, and it doesn't match the whole story.
Just take a couple of minutes to review what happened.
Matthew begins the story of Christmas by intentionally pointing out that Jesus' lineage includes a prostitute (Rahab) and a homeless immigrant (Ruth), and neither of them was Jewish. Although Jesus descended from David, Matthew clarifies that it was from David's adulterous and murderous affair with Bathsheba. Finally, Jesus' family tree ends with his mother, not with Joseph, because she was pregnant before she married him.
Sure, Mary was with child by the Holy Spirit, as we read now, but that's not how the neighbors saw it. More likely they said Joseph was a kind and gentle man for enduring the shame rather than leaving her.
This was, to say the least, a blended family.
Next consider the characters who gathered around "yon virgin and child." The shepherds were dirty, unwashed, poor men who slept in the fields, apart from their wives if they were married. The wise men were foreigners who practiced astrology. Pagans.
If a nativity scene had been set up at the time, it would have looked like a vicious parody: the King of the Jews welcomed by nobodies and pagans.
An 18th Century nativity in Portugal depicts the slaughter of the innocents.
And faster than you can say, "Holy infant so tender and mild" the story jumps from the baby in a manger to a power hungry man ordering the slaughter of innocent children and Jesus' family fleeing for their lives to Egypt.
Can you imagine that verse inserted into a carol, or that scene in a nativity play?
What became of the family in Egypt? They were immigrants who couldn't speak the language, unwanted refugees, homeless and poor, or cheap labor.
The purpose here is not to spoil the warm glow of Christmas - if that's how you experience it. Be thankful for family and safety and simple comforts if you have those blessings.
But let's also open our eyes and see the whole story, including the parts that don't make it into most carols and nativity scenes.
Consider that the story we celebrate is still unfolding even now.
To be alive in the story of Christmas today, look and see the vulnerable children and families in the world around us and, as we are able, welcome them. They are both far and near, and they have more to do with the original Christmas than feasts and silver bells.
Let the shepherds and wise men be our examples.
What we all have in common - whether in vulnerability or comfort - is God's gift to us all in Christ, born into a world of poverty, politics, and violence. Born into an imperfect but loving family.
Young and old, foreigners and locals, citizens and immigrants, happily married men and women and prostitutes and adulterers: the gift of Christ draws us together.
Merry Christmas! Christ is born.
Urbanization: our biggest challenge
Today almost 80 percent of Cambodians live in rural communities, but within 15 years the majority of Cambodians (60 percent) will be living in cities.
Here’s a unique strength of Alongsiders with a perplexing challenge.
Alongsider mentors are empowering vulnerable children – and stirring up local churches – in rural communities that are “off the radar” for most ministries and development organizations.
The key strength of Alongsiders is the physical presence of mentors serving out of relationships in their own villages.
But consider this. Today almost 80 percent of Cambodians live in rural communities, but within 15 years the majority of Cambodians (60 percent) will be living in cities. We’re in the midst of a huge migration of Cambodians to cities, and the people most likely to move in the next decade are young people in the age group we are working with!
Meet Marketa, our intern from Slovakia. Her role is to research how this rural to urban migration is affecting Alongsiders in Cambodia.
“The main concern is if the Alongsider mentors move, how is this going to affect the relationships between them and their little brothers and sisters? ”
Although we’re just starting to formally measure the impact of urbanization on our work, Alongsiders Cambodia has been aware of the trend for some time. Here are some steps they have taken to address it.
- They encourage mentors who think they will move to choose little brothers and sisters who are older (e.g., twelve rather than six or eight years old).
- They are allowing older people who are less likely to move (e.g., in their late twenties and thirties) to become mentors.
- They are strategizing with small group leaders and mentors about how mentors can best maintain relationships, such as on weekend trips home and by phone.
- Of course, they are also working in urban communities with high concentrations of vulnerable children.
This week Marketa obtained her first data via a survey of small group leaders from around the country. At first glance, the challenge is plain to see.
In a group of 15 mentors from Kandal Province, 8 have moved to the city. In another group of 19 from the same region, 5 have moved. Yet in the entire province of Kampong Chhnang, 10 of 68 have moved, and of nearly 60 mentors in Kampong Saum, none have moved.
We want to know more about the story behind these diverse numbers.
Kandal is a relatively poor province adjacent to Phnom Penh, so it's easy for young people to go try their luck in the city. Kampong Chhnang is hours away from Phnom Penh, and there is a special economic zone in Kampong Chhnang, so many factories are employing workers there. Kampong Saum is a tourist destination with a robust local job market compared to other rural provinces.
Many Alongsider mentors who move to the city return home on weekends, so they are able to maintain relationships with their little brothers and sisters. But if their homes are more then two hours from the city, then it's too far to visit regularly.
These are just some of the details and variables we want to look at more carefully.
Alongsiders is part of the fabric of society in rural Cambodia, and now urbanization is tearing the fabric apart.
Asia is developing and urbanizing faster than any region in the world, so we can expect similar patterns as Alongsiders expands to other Asian countries.
The good news is that Alongsider mentors are living and serving right where life is changing the fastest and the needs are most acute; they are at the epicenter of a societal earthquake.
Our liability, relationships, is also our strength. Our success or failure depends on the quality of relationships formed by our mentors and our ability as a supporting organization to balance and shift as the ground moves beneath us.
We're willing to take that challenge.
What keeps us going?
A few days ago, at our staff retreat, some of our staff responded to a simple question: What encourages you most about the ministry of Alongsiders? Here are some of their replies.
What motivates our staff and keeps us going?
It’s the end of a busy and productive year: a time of board meetings, retreats, evaluations, and eventually a Christmas party. A few days ago, at our staff retreat, some of our staff responded to a simple question: What encourages you most about the ministry of Alongsiders? Here are some of their replies.
“I love the vision to help poor and vulnerable children. Most people don’t value poor children; and the children themselves don’t have the opportunity to break out of poverty. But Alongsiders gives them a chance.
My little brother has changed. He used to be withdrawn, but he has become more brave and communicative. I see how Alongsider mentors can change the lives of their little brothers and sisters. ”
“Many of the poor in my community are just doing what they see in front of them. They don’t have power, and the rich people and the government don’t empower them. But I’ve experienced that we can love and serve each other. Even though I don’t have much, and I’m not rich, I can share what I have. We can give what we have, and we can help each other. That is God’s plan. ”
“I read one of the Alongsiders comic books and learned about protecting and caring for children, and that motivated me as I serve the Alongsiders staff.
There is a child who lives across from my house who is often hit by his uncle. I imagine what would happen if he had an Alongsider mentor to help protect him.”
“I remember many times being sent away or told off by the adults if I was around while they were chatting. They never liked the idea of me as a kid being involved with them. I was raised to believe children are lower than adults. Seeing how Alongsiders (following Jesus’s example) puts children in the center, I am very much encouraged. It gives me more faith in the next generation of adults. ”
“People have grown up seeing examples of adults who don’t see the value of children, and it’s difficult to overcome that. In my own family we had violence and conflict, but I was educated in ways that changed my life. I think we need to be educated in love, hope, joy, and peace, and we need to receive God in real-life. That’s the kind of education that encourages me as I work with Alongsiders. This kind of education will not only change lives, but it will also change families, the church, society, and Cambodia.”
“I’m most encouraged by the strategy of connecting with the young ones in the community. The peer relationships are the key. It’s a discipleship model that is very biblical and sustainable. And using storytelling is very good way to reach the children effectively. ”
“I am encouraged by the testimonies of the Alongsider mentors and their faithful love for their little brothers and sisters. Alongsiders has a vision that’s completely replicable. It has low consumables and low financials. You get the ball rolling and let the Lord work. It doesn’t require foreigners, just pastors and other locals who are surrendered to the Lord’s moving.”
“One of the small group leaders, told me that even if there was no Alongsiders organization, no support, and no meetings, his church would still continue with the Alongsiders program. I asked him why, and he said, ‘Because it helps the children in my village to have hope.’”
A survey like this doesn't tell the whole story of what encourages and motivates us, but consider a quick summary of the responses:
We are encouraged by Alongsider mentors loving, serving, and valuing poor and vulnerable children. It's effective! What they are doing is changing the lives of the children, and it's also changing families, churches, and eventually society!
This is not something foreigners or rich and powerful people are doing for the poor; it is poor people serving one-another and giving from what they have, starting with their own neighbors.
Participating in Alongsiders changes the way people act and think. It's a transforming educational experience, and it's based on simple and sustainable practices: loving and serving neighbors and making disciples (of the mentors!) within local communities.
Even if Alongsiders were to disappear, there are people who have caught the vision who would continue the work, because it is giving people hope.
So...we're encouraged. Are you?
The gospel expressed in love looks like this
What happens when an Alongsider mentor begins to live out the gospel?
Lijieng is twelve years old, a daughter of farmers in Kampong Chhnang province, two hours drive from Phnom Penh. Recently her entire family came to faith in Jesus.
That is not typical in rural Cambodia, where villages are steeped in the culture of Buddhism and indigenous beliefs about spirits and nature. And farmers, who don't want to upset the delicate balance of things - nature, community relationships, and religious traditions - are the most conservative about change.
"What happened?" is a fair question.
Chanoo came to faith in Jesus herself three years ago, and she recently became an Alongsider mentor. She looked around in her immediate area and chose her neighbor, Lijieng, to be her little sister.
Lijieng's parents recognized their daughter's need and gave their approval. They both work many hours a day, and they rely on Lijieng to cook and care for her two year-old sister and handle numerous other chores. Lijieng needed the support.
Chanoo has been a Christian long enough to be familiar with the call to share her faith with others. But Alongsiders didn't send her out with any evangelism program or method, just an admonition to love and encourage her little sister.
Here's what she says.
“I see Lijieng every day. Sometimes I help her with school work. I want her to learn and to eventually have a good job.”
Such a simple summary may not sound spiritual, but it goes to the heart of Lijieng's undeniable needs. She explains herself in similar fashion, "I have hope for the future, because I want to be educated."
Alongsider mentor: Meth Chanoo
Lijieng's parents saw how Chanoo related with their daughter, and they watched how Lijieng responded. Another neighbor had previously come to faith, and they listened to her testimony as well. And somewhere on the way, between these relationships and visiting the local church, they came to faith along with their daughter.
No grand strategy was realized; this was just faith working itself out in love.
Chanoo felt happy for them, and it encouraged her. "I have to be ready," she says, "and confident about what I believe." She started by putting her faith in action, and now she is more willing and able to express her faith in words.
This is an essential part of what Alongsiders is about: the gospel expressed in love, shared between neighbors, starting with vulnerable children and impacting families and communities.
By knowing how to heal the family, I know how to heal the world.
How do we begin to address brokenness, violence, alcoholism and neglect within families?
“I hope one day my little brother will be a good father. If I’m a good example, he can learn from me.
”
A little brother with his new Alongsider mentor
During the 1970's, the Khmer Rouge set out to destroy the family as an institution in Cambodia. They separated children from their parents; young adults were forced to marry partners selected by the state; and countless fathers were led away and never returned. The state, in it's role as father and mother, enforced order with violence.
That was two generations ago, but dig beneath the surface today and nearly every Cambodian seems to have a heart-wrenching story involving family relationships, including those who grew up after the Khmer Rouge. The problem is no longer what happened 40 years ago, but what is happening today.
We see two prevailing challenges: domestic violence and a shortage of parental care.
“In poor families, one problem is violence. The husband and wife are under stress. Some people use alcohol or drugs and fight every day, especially the husband. He doesn’t earn enough to support the family and feels frustrated.
Another problem in poor families is that both parents are busy. They have to work long hours and there is no one to look after the children, so they are at high risk.”
What can Alongsider mentors do in the face of such needs? They offer themselves as a go-between, and they come with new ways of thinking and acting.
In last year's impact assessment, half the little brothers and sisters reported receiving help with conflict or discrimination within their family or community. This compared with less than a quarter of similar children without Alongsiders in their communities.
Our research shows that many Alongsider mentors intervene in practical ways in these situations. This is in addition to other important forms of support, such as prayer and encouragement.
Alongsider mentors also introduce new ways of thinking. The most direct way they do this is by using the comic book curriculum.
The stories and images in the comic books portray alternatives to violence and new ways of looking at relationships. But it's not just the comic books that matter, it's also the process of using them that can make a difference.
Little sisters enjoying the latest comic
“Adults don’t know how to sit a child down and talk through problems. They just say what is right or wrong. If a child does wrong, the parents pinch them or hit them with a switch.”
Alongsider mentors are being trained to read and discuss the stories in the comic books with their little brothers and sisters. Discussion, reflection, and evaluation of conflicts and behaviors is an important discipline for growth in relationships. Simply working through this process together is a learning experience.
Then the lessons contain powerful insights. Forgiveness is revolutionary in any context, but especially in communities where forgiveness is not a cultural value. Even a normal practice, such as saying thank you, can take on new dimensions. Often, Cambodian children are taught to thank people outside their families, but they rarely thank members of their own family. Our story about "Thankfulness" brings expressions of gratitude home to the family.
And the comic books don't necessarily stop at the first reading.
“My little brother read the comic with his sister and his cousin. Later I heard some kids repeating the words from the story, so I asked them about it. They said, ‘Oh, I liked this,’ or ‘I liked that.’”
But there are challenges.
Many Alongsider mentors develop good relationships with the families of their little brothers and sisters, but others struggle. As a younger person it can be difficult to communicate with older family members in a hierarchical society. Thus the engagement with families may be limited by cultural dynamics.
Most mentors read and discuss the comic books faithfully and carefully with their little brother or sister, but some struggle to find the time or don't follow the correct process.
These are growth challenges. They shouldn't be surprising in a country where few people reach outside their trusted circles of family and friends, and most people don't read or have discussions about what they've read.
But when Alongsider mentors visit their little brothers and sisters at home and develop relationships with their families, good things happen. We've seen entire families come to faith and behaviors start to change.
The changes we hope to see may take a generation to emerge. But families are the foundation of society. Better to start at the cracked foundation and restore that first.
In the words of famed American social worker and author Virginia Satir, known especially for her innovative approaches to family therapy:
“The family is a microcosm. By knowing how to heal the family, I know how to heal the world.”
The movement needs waypoints: 5 reasons we do camp
Something powerful happens when hundreds of young people gather together for camp...
Last week nearly 300 Alongsider mentors with their little brothers and sisters, plus staff and other leaders, traveled from six provinces and converged in Siem Reap for the Alongsiders annual camp.
Their ages ranged from about 5 to 35. The event lasted for two full days, with travel days on each end; it was enough to burn through even this group's abundance of youthful energy.
As for the staff and older leaders, they were exhausted. It was a lot of work! And this was really just one HALF of the annual camp. Alongsiders Cambodia has grown to the extent that it's difficult to gather everyone together at the same time, so the annual camp is split in two. The other half experienced camp in May.
Besides taking a tremendous amount of preparation, leadership, and energy to pull off, the annual camp is also the single greatest expense for Alongsiders Cambodia.
You may well ask why we do it.
Following are five reasons why we have an annual camp along with some colorful pictures to illustrate.
1. The annual camp is a rallying point for the movement.
Alongsiders Camp 2014 at Angkor Wat
Throughout the year Alongsider mentors and their little brothers and sisters are dispersed throughout the country. Provincial leaders provide limited supervision and training, but most of the time mentors are meeting with their little brothers and sisters on their own. They may not feel like much is changing, but the movement as a whole is on the move and growing and changing as it goes.
When dispersed groups are on the move, they need rallying points in order to keep moving together. Otherwise people drift away or get left behind. Actually, the four points below all follow from this one.
2. Camp puts things in perspective.
Mentors see other mentors. They learn from each other, and some stand out as inspiring examples. Others may realize the need to make corrections. The little brothers and sisters also meet each other, and they can see in a new way they are far from alone. There are other children all over Cambodia who have found big brothers and sisters, too. All the people gathered can see that they are part of something exciting - a movement of like-minded people that is bigger than themselves.
3. Camp is an opportunity to empower the Alongsider mentors.
Alongsider mentors in a facilitated workshop about growing in intimacy with God
This year, while the little brothers and sisters joined in a day of fun educational activities, the mentors got to choose from three one-day workshops: finding your spiritual gifts, growing in intimacy with God, and team building. The workshops were run by volunteers and Cambodian leaders who came to serve the mentors. Afterwards, one mentor said, "For the first time, I think I know what my spiritual gifts are." Another said, "I love God more than I did before." We focus heavily on the little brothers and sisters, but the vision of Alongsiders actually relies on empowering and transforming the mentors:
We equip compassionate young Christians in poor nations to walk alongside those who walk alone: to love, welcome and encourage the most vulnerable children and orphans, in their own communities.
4. Camp is a time to celebrate how far we've come.
Second generation Alongsider mentors are recognized at camp every year.
Camp is fun. We eat good food. We visit interesting places. We have raucous meetings and creative activities. All of these are forms of celebration, the sort of things you might do at a party.
This year everyone who attended camp went to see Angkor Wat and had a great evening at the Cambodian Cultural Village in Siem Reap. We also celebrated in more formal ways, like recognizing all the second generation Alongsider mentors (former little brothers and sisters who have become Alongsiders themselves) and affirming what they've done.
In celebration we rest, recharge, and renew vision. People who don't know how to stop and celebrate won't travel far together.
5. It is a time of extended worship and prayer.
Christian movements throughout history have grown as participants have turned toward God in worship and prayer.
We believe God is the source of the transformation we seek in this country and around the world. We long for the Kingdom Jesus announced: of forgiveness and reconciled relationships, peace overcoming violence, and justice for the poor and oppressed. And we are drawn to his grace personally.
For all these reasons we worship and pray. Alongsider mentors pray with the little brothers and sisters all the time. Once a year they join to worship and pray together, and it's powerful.
Alongsiders at the Cambodian Cultural Village in Siem Reap
A unique home situation kept this boy coming back to camp 8 times in a row
Narith is slow to reveal the details of his story, especially the challenges in his life, as though they are commonplace and hardly worth mentioning.
Narith is slow to reveal the details of his story, especially the challenges in his life, as though they are commonplace and hardly worth mentioning. He has a calm, quiet presence. He's the sort of person you might overlook in a gathering of nearly 300 excited children and youth.
That was the scene last week at the Alongsiders Cambodia annual camp for mentors and their little brothers and sisters.
Narith was there attending for the eighth consecutive year. He was chosen as a little brother at the age of nine. Now at seventeen years old he is one of the oldest "little" brothers. And he is a good example of why we have an annual camp.
Worship, music and even dance are important parts of camp
What he enjoys about camp, he says, are the worship and teaching times. But most of all he loves being part of the community: the big gatherings, the shared energy, the group activities, and the sense of movement together.
As he keeps talking, it's clear why the community experience is so important to him.
He starts by saying his mother has been "low in energy" for as long as he can remember. His father, he adds, died when he was very young.
Narith's mother has worked for many years in a garment factory as a seamstress seven days a week. So she's away from home and Narith does many things for himself. Mostly he studies.
He's an only child, he says. His mother never remarried. She has worked hard all these years so that he can get an education, and now he is on track to graduate from high school, thanks to her sacrifices.
Being in the Alongsiders movement, not surprisingly, has had a significant impact on his life. After he was chosen as a little brother, his Alongsider mentor used to visit all the time to encourage and pray for him. They still meet frequently. Narith himself came to faith and joined a local church.
His mother also came to faith along the way. As he says this, Narith makes a curious gesture with his hands motioning toward his heart, as if he's trying to show his mother's faith because words aren't enough to describe it.
There is one more detail to the story.
Narith has been a "little brother" since he was 9 years old.
Perhaps it's out of respect for her that he leaves this point until the end, because she has not let it define her. Narith's mother is deaf and she can't speak. They share a sign language they developed together over the years.
It's no wonder Narith loves the community life at camp! No wonder he is drawn to the volume and energy. No wonder he participates in every activity wholeheartedly, even craft projects designed for younger children. At home he is most often alone or, when his mother returns from a long day of work, in silence.
Workshop learning and fun
Isolation is the essence of poverty. Many of the little brothers and sisters have lost one or more parents, and many take care of themselves while their parents or guardians go to work. Alongsiders is overcoming isolation through relationships.
At the annual camp, little brothers and sisters see they are not alone. Mentors learn from each other. It's a time of renewing, recharging, and sharing vision. It's for everyone to recognize they are part of a movement, and that it's from God.
Next year Narith will likely return to camp for the ninth time as an Alongsider mentor himself.
Narith's Alongsider mentor, Kimyan, praying for him at camp
"I know because of my own experience. My Alongsider mentor always showed me love. I want to give my love to another little brother like he did for me."
As Narith speaks, music is playing upstairs and a voice is peeling through a microphone calling everyone together. It's time to go and join the movement again.
Why we work with churches, even when it gets uncomfortable
We work with local churches. If you’re nodding your head, or shaking it in concern, keep reading. Some of our reasons may surprise you.
We work with local churches.
If you’re nodding your head, or shaking it in concern, keep reading. Some of our reasons may surprise you.
Alongsiders doesn’t just work ON or FOR local churches; we work within them. We equip young church members, and they do the most important work of being Alongsiders. Most of that is done outside the view and control of our movement leaders who are in supporting roles.
Here are four reasons why we do it this way, starting with the easy ones.
1. Local churches are present in local communities almost everywhere.
Local churches are spread out all over the countries we work in. For example, in India we partner with a network of 3000 churches. What organization can claim to have offices and staff in so many places? Especially in places where the poorest of the poor really live? If there is such an organization, then it must spend a fortune on staff and overhead.
To reach thousands of vulnerable children we need a presence in thousands of local communities. Grassroots movements depend on grassroots structures and networks. Working with local churches means the structures we need are already in place where we need them.
2. Local church relationships are an important support network.
Most mentors are singles in their twenties. They may lack the wisdom and experience to respond to all the needs their little brothers and sisters may face. Family problems, abuse or entrenched poverty may require intervention by wise older adults. Mentors who are part of healthy local churches have a support network already in place to stand with them.
And that support network becomes a blessing and source of strength for the little brothers and sisters and their families too. Vulnerable children are often isolated and disconnected. By welcoming them into the local church, children gain an important support network which will be there to help them face the challenges of life.
In Alongsiders we often quote the Cambodian proverb: It takes a spider to repair its own web. In real life it often takes a community of spiders.
3. We believe in the gospel.
When Jesus started his ministry, he declared “good news (or the gospel) to the poor” and said:
(God) has sent me to proclaim freedom to the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.
We already speak a common language with the local churches. Or do we not?
Some Christians and churches have taken this gospel and spiritualized it as solely a message of salvation from sin. They interpret “poverty” and “blindness” and “captivity” entirely as metaphors for spiritual conditions.
Others believe Jesus addresses both spiritual and material poverty, disability, and oppression (and other dimensions besides), but they have struggled to communicate and live out a more complete (wholistic) gospel in their local churches.
As a result, many Christians concerned about the poor have supported Christian organizations which focus on compassion and social justice, while their local church attends to the "more spiritual" tasks.
But should a wholistic gospel be divided up this way?
If we believe Jesus announced such an all-encompassing gospel – that every relationship on earth and in heaven is being put right with forgiveness, healing, and justice – and if we believe Jesus is the Head of the Church, then can't we hope that the Spirit of Christ will guide us into the fullness of the gospel together?
So for the sake of the good news for the poor, Alongsiders as an organization is returning initiative and power to local churches through their members, entrusting them with a wholistic gospel message for the vulnerable, the disabled, and the captives among them, and empowering them to live it out.
4. We want to see local churches transformed.
Alongsiders works through local churches. And very often the mentors themselves, and even whole churches, are transformed along the way. This is not always a comfortable process for those in entrenched positions of leadership. The contribution of younger people is not always valued. But Jesus was a master at turning things upside-down and challenging the prevailing culture.
Church elders and leaders with a new batch of Alongsiders
The Alongsiders movement is not merely a movement to bring love and encouragement and discipleship to vulnerable children. It is also a movement of young people being transformed. We believe that in reaching out the poor, it is often WE who are most deeply impacted, OUR faith that is stretched, and OUR capacity for love that is enlarged. It is counter-intuitive, but central to the gospel, that when we lay down our lives for others we will actually find life ourselves. This is what we are seeing everyday in the lives of the Alongsider mentors. This is what is transforming the church.
Christ loved the church - to the point where He laid down his life for it (Eph 5:25). Despite all the problems and challenges of loving sinful human beings, we are called to do the same.
There are MANY more reasons we work through local churches, but most of all we long to see the Kingdom that Jesus announced being fulfilled...
On earth as it is in heaven.
4 lessons about vulnerability from an unlikely source
A disabled girl and her struggle for education teaches us some important lessons about vulnerability.
Sreymao pressed forward. Step-by-step. Hardly stopping to rest. The road stretched out ahead, full of challenges: hard clay ridges and rain-slickened ruts that might catch the foot of her crutch or send her sliding.
Two hundred meters to go. It had been a long morning at school and she just wanted to be home.
Suddenly a group of boys came running up the road behind her, shouting and swinging their school bags around their heads like helicopter blades. She didn’t have time to brace herself. The first one shouldered her as he went by, and then the swinging bag of the third one crashed down on her arm just as her weight shifted.
The crutch slipped sideways and she fell off the side of the road into a muddy hole.
A farmer, unfortunately, had started digging a pond on that spot. It was empty except for two or three inches of rainwater and mud at the bottom. At least it was a soft landing. She found her crutch and shook it free of water and muck.
As she picked herself up and attempted to wipe clay off her navy blue skirt and white school shirt, she realized with a sickening dread that the lip of the pond was nearly eye-level.
She couldn’t pull herself out.
In that moment she heard a bicycle approaching. She called out for help and braced herself for the shame of discovery. But her eyes lit up as the rider appeared. It was Karuna, her ally – her Alongsider “big sister!”
Karuna took Sreymao’s hands, pulled her up, and gave her a ride home on the back of her bicycle. At the house Karuna explained to Sreymao’s mother what had happened. From inside the house they heard a crash. When Karuna entered she found a muddy school bag in a heap.
And then, Sreymao finally let the tears come out.
The cover image: Sreymao after returning home
This isn’t a true story in the historical sense, but it will be very “real” for many young Cambodians who read it. It’s the first couple of pages of the story told in our latest comic book, which has already been delivered to the printer.
We are creating culturally aware comic books with engaging stories and simple, practical lessons. They form the core of our curriculum.
Every month Alongsiders group leaders distribute copies of the newest comic to the Alongsider mentors who in turn read through them interactively with their little brothers and sisters.
Alongsiders Cambodia is empowering a movement of mentors at the social and economic margins. These comic books provide a simple structure and an effective means to communicate vision, equip leaders, and enable learning together.
Comic books don't transform people, but Alongsider mentors reading them interactively with their little brothers and sisters in growing relationships is transforming.
Now let’s return to the story. What will the Alongsider mentors and their little brothers and sisters take away from it? Following are four lessons this comic directly and indirectly conveys.
1. We choose to see the most vulnerable people in our midst.
There are many poor and vulnerable children in Cambodia. In this comic the team deliberately set out to tell a story about someone who is more vulnerable than most. Most of us are pretty good at spotting people in need from a distance, but in some insidious way, we (many of us) are adept at filtering out the most vulnerable people in our own neighborhoods and communities. The same thing happens in Cambodia.
When Alongsider mentors read this comic with their little brothers and sisters, it’s a reminder of the vision and calling they responded to. When young adults sign up to become mentors, they agree to: 1) choose a little brother or sister who lives in their own community, 2) choose someone of the same gender, 3) choose someone who is most vulnerable, 4) choose someone who is NOT a relative, family friend, or church member, and 5) pray about the decision.
Alongsider mentors are learning to see and value people who most others overlook!
2. It takes discipline and perseverance to succeed.
This is the direct message in the story. It's not really a story about disability; it's about a girl developing the kind of character it takes to succeed in education and life.
Sreymao is ready to give up, but Karuna encourages her to stick with it. They study together and work hard, and as a result Sreymao's grades and attitude improve. It's a simple message, but it's part of a series of lessons that build on one another, and this one can make a difference in a child's life - especially if the Alongsider mentor follows Karuna's example!
Sreymao and Karuna each study hard for school independently and together
3. We are defined by our choices, not by our weaknesses.
We are all vulnerable, but we don't want to be defined by what we lack.
This story doesn't treat Sreymao like a condition to be solved, and her fall does not warrant a full scale rescue operation. She just needs some help to get back on the road, and with thanks to Karuna, her dignity emerges intact.
Too often helping organizations send out the message, “We will solve your problems (on our terms).” The message of Alongsiders is, “You have what it takes to succeed already and we'll find it together."
Karuna takes Sreymao to visit an older woman who has become a teacher despite being confined to a wheelchair, so Sreymao begins to see that she has choices about her future.
4. Prayer and engagement in life go naturally together.
When confronted with suffering, many people react with the "fight or flight" reflex. "Fighting" may mean trying to fill in for God (in his apparent absence) in order to solve the problem. "Flight" may mean escaping into distraction or a safer place. The alternative, being present in a relationship without easy answers, requires trust in God.
The theme of the story above is the need for discipline and perseverance, but there's a moment when Karuna and Sreymao stop to pray in the midst of all their activity. Such prayer is natural; it's not forced ritual, nor passive resignation, nor an after-thought. It stems from faithful engagement in the realities of life.
In the face of poverty and vulnerabilities and an unknown future, Alongsider mentors don't have many answers. They often have their own daunting problems. If they want to stay on the journey with their little brothers and sisters, they need to trust God, and so they will pray.
One teenage girl's audacious idea
When Serey heard about Neang’s announcement, she went to ask some questions... What would she truly love to do that she felt she might be good at?
No one seemed to care about Neang*. Overlooked by everyone, she was the youngest child of a single mother whose father died when she was just three months old.
But one day, a young woman from the same community noticed Neang.
Serey was a 23 year-old Alongsider mentor prayerfully choosing a "little sister". She herself was searching for a way forward in life after growing up in poverty, so she knew the challenges facing Neang and wanted to serve. Serey says,
“Neang didn’t speak much, and she looked lonely. I loved her and wanted to help. There were other girls from poor families who I thought about as well, but her situation seemed more difficult. So I chose her.”
Serey and Neang early in their relationship
Today Serey is still a "big sister" to Neang. Serey has been walking alongside Neang for the past eight years.
“I became her friend. I encouraged her and met with her almost every day. I visited her house, and I talked with her family. She trusted me, and we had a good relationship. When she was eleven, she came to have faith in Jesus. ”
Neang is now 14 years old, and Serey still meets with her regularly. They are part of the same church family. But the challenges of growing up in a slum continue for Neang.
A few months ago Neang announced to her family that she would drop out of school after the 9th grade. The family needed money and she had a plan to attend classes to become a beautician and then open her own little beautician booth. She had heard about a government scholarship for vocational training. Besides, she liked make-up and hair-styling. She and her friends often practiced on each other. They like feeling beautiful.
For teenage girls living in the slum, some version of this story is the norm, not an exception. Among the poorest of the poor in Cambodia, just over half of the children attend primary school. Only a tiny percentage of students continue through high school.
And like students her age everywhere, Neang felt like she had been in school for a LONG time with no end in sight. Unlike students in many other places, the majority of her older role models have dropped out of school and taken jobs in local factories, and most of her peers will do the same. The money is very tempting, even $120 per month earned by working ten hour days, six days a week in a factory.
Neang’s grandmother, who runs the household, also liked the idea of Neang earning money to help with expenses. Neither Neang’s mother nor her grandmother finished high school, but they understand hard work. The sooner Neang gets a job or starts a small business, the sooner she can help support the family - and they can use the money.
Four years of high school (with significant costs in school supplies and fees) is a long time to wait. Besides, Neang's grades are average, and her family is poorer than most.
When Serey heard about Neang’s announcement, she went to meet with her and ask some questions. How would Neang get the money to open her own business? She didn't know. Serey probed further and asked Neang about her personal vision. She asked her to think about the long term. What would she truly love to do that she felt she might be good at?
"I would like to be a teacher," Neang answered softly.
Serey smiled her encouragement. "A teacher? What will it take to become a teacher?"
After discussing the options with Serey and her family, Neang decided to finish high school first, and then decide whether to go to beautician classes or university. Either way would present challenges, but having a high school diploma will be a tangible asset and possibly a way out of poverty.
Serey and Neang are firm friends today
Becoming a teacher is an audacious idea. Kids who grow up in the slum rarely become high school graduates; they rarely attend university; and they very rarely become teachers.
Having your own business is also a worthy goal.
Whatever direction Neang takes will require courage and dedication, and someone to walk alongside her as she makes big decisions.
You need someone standing with you to help you voice a vision. You need someone walking alongside to help you stick with that vision. Serey wants to be that person for Neang.
Neang says of her Alongsider mentor, "She encourages me. She helps me stay on a good path."
Neang is no longer overlooked. And with Serey's help, she might just see some of her audacious dreams come true.
Serey offers this insight, "When Neang was young she had a lot of shame, and she felt afraid. But she became brave."
* Neang's full name is Srey Neang
This action seems insignificant at first, but look at the impact on a child's education
What can Alongsiders do to ensure that EVERY child has a chance to learn?
The face of a courageous young girl named Malala is burned forever in our minds.
These are her words:
“I don’t mind if I have to sit on the floor at school, I want an education, and I am afraid of no one.”
Malala took a bullet in the head for her resolve, and even that couldn’t stop her.
Malala’s courage is extraordinary; but her desire to learn shouldn’t be so surprising. Across the developing world children are hungry for an education. Their hunger is evident to anyone who has ever visited a functioning school classroom or after-school program.
Last week, a story in the Cambodian papers ended with an ironic twist.
A young athlete, Sorn Seavmey, won Cambodia’s first ever gold medal in the Asian Games. She was naturally showered with praise and gifts on her return – plus one more thing...
It turns out she was one of many high school seniors this year who failed their graduation exams, so she was slated to take them again like all the rest who didn't pass. But Prime Minister Hun Sen declared that she will be granted an automatic passing grade.
This story captures one of the dilemmas with education in much of the developing world: the system favors some people over others. It’s not just about studying hard or ability; it’s also about power, money, and connections. People at the margins are on their own, and it's not a level playing field.
We know that getting educated is a proven way out of poverty. Improving schools and increasing access to them are staples of poverty reduction programs.
Most of the "little brothers and little sisters" in the Alongsiders movement come from the poorest families. Some simply cannot attend school due to lack of finances or, in some cases, because they must stay home to work or look after siblings.
What can Alongsiders do to ensure EVERY child has a chance to learn?
It may seem small - insignificant even - but simple ongoing acts of one-on-one coaching can significantly impact the education of a boy or girl in poverty.
In practice it looks like this: Alongsider mentors regularly help their little brothers and sisters with their homework, encouraging them to stay in school, and continuing to walk alongside them over the long haul. Sometimes they reach into their own pockets to buy a little brother or sister a notebook or pen that's needed.
In the words of one Alongsider mentor:
“My little brother goes to a school in the countryside where the teachers don’t require extra payments, because most of the families are too poor. The teachers have private classes after school, but he doesn’t attend those because he can’t afford them. But I encourage him, and he studies on his own every day. He can’t study a lot, because he has responsibilities like taking care of the cow and watching his brothers and sisters. But he studies enough.”
In our impact assessment, 97% of the "little brothers and sisters" in the Alongsiders movement reported that they receive help with their studies. Around half of them said that their Alongsider mentor was the MAIN person who helped them with their homework. Many also reported that their mentors had bought them school supplies or paid school fees at their own expense.
And look at the results:
“99% of little brothers and sisters surveyed are attending school, versus 55% of children of a similar demographic in the same neighborhoods. ”
Impoverished students want to learn. It takes great determination to persevere, but it can be done. Every bit of encouragement and support and prayer from an Alongsider mentor helps them to find the strength inside themselves.
In the words of Malala, “One child, one teacher, one book, one pen can change the world.”
3 practical ways "slow and steady" changes the world
Our world is captivated by speed. We want to abolish world hunger or solve the AIDS crisis in Africa. And we want to do it fast.
“Our world is captivated by speed. We want to abolish world hunger or solve the AIDS crisis in Africa. And we want to do it fast. To be valid, hope has to make the headlines, have sweeping ambitions, pack stadiums, make its way onto television or produce miracles and prosperity. Campaigns organize around grand promises of ‘Overcoming Violence’ and ‘Ending Poverty’... The faster all this happens, the better.”
So say Emmanuel Katongole and Chris Rice, an African and an American, writing to a Western audience. Now contrast their words with these observations of an Alongsider mentor:
"My little brother is starting to change in character. He is cleaner now. He never used to wash his hands before eating. I encouraged him to do that, because then he can stay healthy, study well, and improve his life. He tried to change, but it’s a slow process. It takes time for him to be aware, so that even if no one is looking he will take care of himself.
I invited him to church, and he came to know Jesus. But I’m not sure if his heart has really changed. What I do is to love him consistently, and I think he will come to understand the love of Jesus. It’s a process that takes time."
The transformation that matters to us is local. You could say ALL authentic transformation is local. It's easy to speak confidently about change from a distance, or on a global scale. But from up close - locally, and at the margins - transformation is "slow and fragile."
Alongsiders Cambodia works in marginalized communities where time is measured in seasons and years. Little brothers and sisters, and even their mentors, are weak in the eyes of the world - if the world notices them at all.
Meanwhile, Alongsiders International is building partnerships in new countries. With a simple, strong vision and reproducible systems, we're in position to move quickly and see the lives of thousands of children and mentors touched in the next few years.
Honestly, which paragraph above stirs you the most?
We must ask ourselves how to keep the allure and excitement of speed and numbered results from undermining the slow, transforming work of Alongsider mentors at the local level. Many good organizations have failed this test.
Jean Vanier, founder of L'Arche, reflecting on 1 Corinthians 12, writes that people who are poor, vulnerable, or weak in the eyes of the world are "indispensable to the church." But he adds, "Who really believes it?"
We believe Alongsider mentors and their little brothers and sisters are indispensable, not just locally but for Alongsiders International as a whole. Together we are more capable; we are more insightful; and together we stay on the path of transformation.
We choose to embrace people who are poor and marginalized at the center of our organization. We are local. We are relational. We are committed long term. That's easy enough to say. Here are three ways we try to make this our reality.
LOCATING OURSELVES AMONGST THE POOR
Our headquarters are situated on a dusty back street in a working neighborhood in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, close to where Alongsider mentors and their little brothers and sisters live. We deliberately chose Phnom Penh over being based in a world-class city closer to where our donors live.EMBRACING SILENCE & PRAYER
Everyone in our international office eats together at least three times a week, and we take turns cleaning up together afterward. There is no hierarchy around the table. Afterwards, we join together in a short time of silence and prayer. Sitting in silence, even for short periods of time, is a great equalizer. We encounter our brokenness in silence, and we disarm the "gods" of speed and their anxious chatter.LEARNING FROM THE MARGINS
In multiple ways we seek to make the local Alongsiders - both mentors and little brothers and sisters - our teachers. We do this by listening to their stories, working together, visiting them in their communities, and joining together in celebrations (such as our annual Alongsiders Camp).
Jean Vanier challenges us with these words, "When the poor and the weak are present," he says, "they prevent us from falling into the trap of power - even the power to do good - of thinking that it is we who are the good ones, who must save the Savior and his church."
Cited: Reconciling All Things, by Katongole and Rice, p 80-81 and Living Gently in a Violent World, by Stanley Hauerwas and Jean Vanier, p 74, 98
How one girl found the confidence to grow up
Karuna, in her own words, was "messy" when her Alongsider mentor came into her life.
Karuna (left), now 21 years old with her own "little sister"
Karuna, in her own words, was "messy" when her Alongsider mentor came into her life.
Her father had died when she was eight. Her mother went to work in a factory for ten hours a day, six days a week.
So Karuna and her five sisters lived with her grandmother in a small house along a narrow alley in an urban slum.
With no money for them to attend school, Karuna and her sisters sold cakes to make money for their basic needs.
She had friends, but they were all struggling with similar circumstances. “I used to talk with my friends for hours about nothing," she says. "We didn't want to think about the future.”
"Before my Alongsider mentor came into my life, no one had ever related with me that way before."
Somaly, Karuna's mentor, talked with her about real life issues. She helped her with hygiene, cleaned her up, prayed with her, and brought her to the Alongsiders annual camp.
Social impact on young lives
When we evaluated the impact of the Alongsiders movement in 2013, we found that 74 percent of Alongsider little brothers and sisters report they "have someone they can talk to about their problems" compared to just 48 percent of their peers.
And a striking 99 percent of little brothers and sisters say they have hope for the future, compared with 60 percent among their peers.
Karuna sensed her lack of life skills as a young girl, but she didn't know what to do about it. Encouraging little brothers and sisters to grow in their ability to deal with others is another crucial part of what Alongsider mentors do.
The following chart shows some ways little brothers and sisters grow in life skills and social awareness (based on self-assessments).
Becoming more capable socially may not seem like a big deal, but knowing how to speak politely or how to handle anger will have a significant impact on a young person's confidence and ability to succeed in work and life. Being more aware of sexual issues, drugs, and domestic violence make vulnerable children safer and more likely to avoid falling into destructive relationships.
Today, Karuna still lives with her grandmother and her sisters in the same home in the slum. The doorway to their house is small but welcoming. Her grandmother is often sitting at the entrance next to a sewing machine with a background of colorful family pictures on the wall behind her. The family members squeeze into small rooms and sleep on beds made of rough-hewn planks. An outsider looking in might declare that they are poor and even question what has really changed.
But something fundamental has shifted.
Karuna is a confident and dignified young woman. She is working and hopeful about the future. Her family attends a church at the end of the alley that serves the community, and they are a source of strength for others.
And Karuna is an Alongsider mentor herself now.
Her little sister is an eight year-old girl whose parents are divorced. She lives in the slum with her grandmother. Lately, she has been missing school to stay home and look after her younger brother. Her grandmother is out working hard every day so they can eat.
Karuna has the confidence to talk with the girl's grandmother about her little sister's school attendance. For now there is no simple solution, but Karuna stands by her little sister as one who has been down this road before. Her little sister won't have to walk it alone either.
Why we focus on resilience instead of services...
An 11 year-old girl takes care of her three younger siblings for eight hours or more every day. What makes her resilient?
11 year-old Piya takes care of her three younger siblings for eight hours or more every day. Her father abandoned the family, and her mother has to leave them alone when she goes to work.
Despite her burdens, she is smiling. Piya is resilient.
All the children chosen by Alongsider mentors as little brothers and sisters are in difficult circumstances that require them to be resilient.
Resilience is ‘a set of qualities that helps a person to withstand many of the negative effects of adversity'.
It's that innate strength of character that every child in every culture has to varying degrees. It's that phenomenal quality that enables some children to endure seemingly crushing challenges and hardships and spring back.
Scientists agree that it comes from a mixture of nature and nurture. That means we CAN strengthen the resilience of children. But it won't be through mere service provision.
Outside services for the poor often have the unintended consequence of disrupting family and community relationships, undermining resilience. Communities receive such services gratefully but at unknown costs.
At Alongsiders we draw on The Circle of Courage, described in this article, as a practical application of resilience theory. The Circle of Courage identifies four universal needs of all children: Belonging, Mastery, Independence, and Generosity.”
- Belonging: forming healthy attachments and trusting relationships. When this need is met a child can say, "I am loved."
- Mastery: achieving and growing in capability. When this need is met a child will be able to say, "I can succeed."
- Independence: standing up for oneself and finding appropriate autonomy. When this need is met a child can say, "I can make decisions."
- Generosity: altruism and serving others. When this need is met a child can say, "I have a purpose."
Whatever we do to strengthen children and youth in these areas will contribute to their resilience, drawing out their own strengths, so they can take hold of their own lives and futures.
If these are four legs of a stool, then every leg has a social component. We are relational beings, even in our independence, and we are strongest when we stand with others.
Alongsider mentors serve in their own communities in ways that honor and strengthen family and community relationships, helping children to grow in belonging, mastery, independence and generosity. The result, we have seen, is greater resilience.
Chenda and Piya
Piya, by the way, may have had an extra boost of resilience the afternoon that I met her, a greater feeling of belonging.
It was a special day, as she was standing with her new Alongsider mentor, Chenda!
[written by Andy Gray]
A day in the life of our Alongsiders staff
I am an observer, along for the ride, when a startled cow rams our motorbike.
I am an observer, along for the ride, when a startled cow rams our motorbike.
To get to this point, we have already traveled by bus, boat, and motorbike to a remote village north of Phnom Penh. Our plan today is to register some new Alongsiders.
Phearom, who is on staff with Alongsiders Cambodia, is my guide.
As we hop on the backs of motorbikes driven by our hosts, we are heading towards a house church twenty minutes away.
Halfway there my driver startles a cow who does not take kindly to being disturbed. The cow lowers its shoulder, snorts, and RAMS into us - nearly sending us flying! Thankfully, my driver handles the bovine battering with style and no harm is done.
About 25 young adults and children are waiting for us on arrival. Their leader is a young woman with a gentle spirit and a quick wit who wastes no time chiding the children to practice their English with the foreigner.
Phearom is warm - chatting and laughing with the youth and children. Everyone is excited. You can feel it in the air.
Phearom uses a low-end Samsung tablet to enter the names and details of the new Alongsiders and their little brothers and sisters in an Android app. Each participant is photographed. This information is then uploaded to an online database when he has wifi access.
Today is the day we officially become Alongsiders.
Today is the day I become a little brother.
Today is the day I become a little sister!
After the cheerful banter, Phearom sits down in a blue plastic chair and receives a stack of application forms. The nervous new mentors with their chosen little brothers and sisters line up to meet him.
The intake process begins.
Today we're not only scheduled to work here, but also at a church down the road where another small crowd of eager young Christians is waiting for us at dusk.
As the light fades to dark, we finally finish up the last intakes using a florescent light powered by a car battery.
Despite the angry cow, the lack of electricity, the dusty roads and distance from the city, it's been a good day. A very good day.
The start of something significant.
![How to hold onto hope in the face of extreme poverty & suffering [video]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6a28e0eeb1734d7d91985b22/1781064622202-BZ0ILWNODMZDBO7X4TJB/image-asset.jpeg)
How to hold onto hope in the face of extreme poverty & suffering [video]
Author, practitioner and contemplative activist, Chris Heuertz has spent the past 20 years working for women and children victimized by human traffickers in the commercial sex industry.
Author, practitioner and contemplative activist, Chris Heuertz has recently joined the international Board of Alongsiders.
Chris Heuertz has spent his life bearing witness to the possibility of hope in a world that has legitimate reasons to question God’s goodness.
Originally from Omaha, Nebraska, Chris moved to India where he was mentored by Mother Teresa for three years.
Chris and his wife Phileena served with the Word Made Flesh community for nearly 20 years, working for women and children victimized by human traffickers in the commercial sex industry. This has taken Chris to over 70 countries working among the most vulnerable of the world’s poor.
In 2012 Phileena and Chris launched Gravity, a Center for Contemplative Activism.
Named one of Outreach magazine’s “30 Emerging Influencers Reshaping Leadership,” Chris is a curator of unlikely friendships, an instigator for good, a champion of collaboration, and a witness to hope, Chris fights for a renewal of contemplative activism.
Listen as Chris shares about how to hold onto hope in the face of suffering, poverty and death.
Who REALLY connects with the poorest of the poor? You'll be surprised by the answer...
Here at Alongsiders we say, "It takes a spider to repair it's own web." Here's the secret.
Discarded himself. Phea knows the value of things others see fit to discard.
Every day he took to the streets with a rice sack slung over his shoulder looking for rubbish that he could sell: plastic bottles, cardboard, cans, scrap metal, or broken items that could be repaired.
Some called him names as he made his rounds. Others physically accosted him. They didn't see value of a kid in tattered clothes sifting through the garbage.
One day as he worked he came across a group of excited children and youth. They were Alongsider mentors with their little brothers and sisters waiting for transportation to the annual Alongsiders camp. Phea saw that some were neighbors, not unlike himself, and he asked if he could go with them. They said he had to have an Alongsider mentor, and it was too late for that. But someone invited him to the local church to learn more.
Phea went to the church. He says, "I never got my own Alongsider - I was too old. But instead I found faith." So, he kept attending the church, and when he turned 18 he applied to become an Alongsider mentor himself.
Phea and Virek swimming at a local water park.
As his little brother, Phea chose a boy named Virek who had sometimes accompanied him collecting rubbish to sell. Virek's father died years ago, and his mother is living with a terminal illness. In addition to being very poor, even compared to other families in the slum, her sickness casts a stigma over her and her children. They stay with Virek's grandmother just up the alley from where Phea lives.
Having faced rejection, Phea knew Virek needed encouragement. Just around the corner from Virek's home is an Internet cafe where some boys gather who have dropped out of school. They work the streets a few hours each day and spend what money they earn or steal on video games, alcohol, and other diversions.
Life is hard in the slum, but it's most dangerous when youth lose hope and stop trying.
Through Phea's friendship and support, Virek returned to school. Now he is studying in the eighth grade. Though it's uncomfortable for him to talk about the future, he thinks about becoming a teacher.
So who really connects with the poorest of the poor?
Foreign workers, volunteers, and organizations are almost always on the outside looking in. Even local organizations are located, funded, and led from outside the places where the poorest of the poor live.
Virek is sensitive and reserved. His emotions are hidden. He's vulnerable and knows it. His story comes out slowly in two or three word phrases. I can imagine a foreign worker or volunteer being drawn to Virek, trying to unearth his mysteries, and coaxing out a smile or two.
Phea knows what goes on behind the smile. He knows the hurt. He connects deeply with Virek because he is alongside of Virek in every way.
Phea and Virek enjoying a meal together.
Here at Alongsiders we say, "It takes a spider to repair it's own web."
The poorest of the poor are uniquely situated to connect with and support each other. They "get it" where others don't.
Sadly, there are divisions among the poor themselves: fault lines of mistrust, power, and fear. So the poor often feel alone and isolated even in their own communities.
Alongsider mentors like Phea are crossing those lines.
They connect with the poorest of the poor.
And they are not just connecting with their little brothers and sisters. They are connecting with families and building bridges of trust within their communities so that others can follow.
The ONE thing everyone overlooks about poverty
After hearing so many stories of children experiencing poverty, a recurring theme began to emerge - something most people overlook about poverty...
We listen to stories.
In particular, we listen to the stories of vulnerable children.
And after hearing so many stories of children in difficult circumstances, a recurring theme began to emerge - something most people overlook about poverty.
You may be thinking children's main experience of poverty, the thing that impacted them most, would be:
- a lack of money for basic necessities
- only a single set of clothes to wear
- skipped meals and feeling hungry, or
- having to work from a very young age
All these answers are true in given cases, but they only tell part of the story.
Poverty is bigger and deeper than what we see. It affects family and community relationships, and it can threaten to derail the most basic needs of children. The needs that, when met, help them grow into healthy adults. In particular, a sense of belonging and personal significance.
Isolation.
Rejection.
Exclusion.
These themes come up again and again in the stories we hear from young people who have grown up in poverty.
“I was alone.”
"I had no one I could trust."
“Nobody cared for me.”
“People looked down on me and treated me badly.”
The most hidden and misunderstood aspect of poverty is how it breaks and weakens relationships, leaving children (and adults) alone, rejected, fearful and emotionally wounded.
That's why the approach that Alongsiders takes to poverty is relational. The work that the Alongsider mentors are doing is transforming children and their families and communities on every level, including the level of emotional health, and it’s exciting to see in action.
Alongsider mentors are young adults who have themselves grown up in poor communities. They choose “little brothers and sisters” from their own communities - unrelated kids who are in vulnerable situations - and set out to love and mentor them as if they were family.
“The most important thing I learned from my Alongsider was love.
I know God loves me, because she loved me.”
--a former little sister, now an Alongsider mentor
We hear many stories about the impacts made by Alongsiders, and so many of them revolve around love and friendship overcoming isolation and rejection. But stories, even inspiring ones, are not hard to gather. We wanted to dig deeper and better understand how Alongsiders are changing the lives of little brothers and sisters.
Last year, we decided to survey a large group of little brothers and sisters from several provinces across Cambodia. The questions were carefully chosen and worded.
The same survey was given to an equal number of similar children in the same communities who are not being mentored by Alongsiders (a control group). All of this was done using objective research methods by an independent team.
What we learned was very encouraging. Having an Alongsider makes a significant difference in the lives of the little brothers and sisters. You can see the full report here.
The little brothers and sisters clearly perceive a positive effect on their emotional wellbeing. We hoped so, since the work of Alongsiders is founded on loving relationships, and it was a welcome confirmation. This is just one snapshot of what is happening. Again, you can see all the numbers in our 2013 impact assessment here.
How encouraging that Cambodian youth are the ones changing the lives of Cambodian children! And it's not just children who are changing. Families, communities, churches, and the Alongsiders themselves are being transformed in the process. It's all the more encouraging that these youth, who have grown up in poverty, have become mentors empowered to serve out of their own experience of marginalization.
Cambodian artist, Bou Puthida, joins Alongsiders
Alongsiders has made a key appointment within our Comic book Curriculum Development team.
Alongsiders International is pleased to announce the appointment of up and coming young Cambodian artist, Bou Puthida, to a key position within our Comic book Curriculum Development team.
Sketch by Bou Puthida
A graduate of Yamada School of Art, Puthida specializes in manga (Japanese style comics). Her award-winning work has been recognized by the Japanese Government.
Puthida's established talent as a sketch artist and her growing skills in computer-based design and animation are an amazing fit for this team and the comic-book curriculum they produce.
Puthida also brings her strong faith and love for children to this role. She previously worked closely with children at Hope International School and can speak three languages: Khmer, English and Japanese.
We welcome Puthida to the team this week and look forward to her contribution to the wider movement for vulnerable children.
Read more about the rest of the Alongsiders Team here.
Comic book curriculum now has Japanese connection
The folks who create our amazing comic book lessons have a new leader.
The Alongsiders International team is excited to announce the appointment of Hitomi and Andy Gray, who have joined our team based in Phnom Penh, Cambodia to work from our head office.
Hitomi holds a PhD from Fuller in the field of contextualized theological education and will be bringing her immense experience and wisdom to head up our Curriculum Development team (the folks who create our amazing comic book lessons).
Andy is a gifted wordsmith and photographer who has been the chief Editor and writer behind the orphan-care website, UnitingForChildren.org. Andy will continue to use his talents to benefit vulnerable children, as a scribe and storyteller for the Alongsiders movement.
Together, Andy and Hitomi have three daughters. They met in the US but have spent many years raising their family and ministering in Japan and Cambodia. More recently, Andy has worked in Cambodia helping young people transition from orphanages to living in the community. He loves cooking food from scratch and every time he visits his hometown in the US, he returns with bags of dried green chile powder for making New Mexican enchiladas and green chile stew.
Hitomi, a native of Japan, grew up in both Japan and the US. Her vocational focus has been education, curriculum design and creative inner healing work - including developing contextualized materials for Cambodian youth. Hitomi swam competitively growing up and loves to be in water. Her favorite memories are swimming with a pod of wild dolphins in Hawaii and sitting in outdoor hot springs in her Japanese hometown.
We welcome Andy and Hitomi to the team and look forward to their contribution to the wider movement for vulnerable children.
Read more about the rest of the Alongsiders Team here.