Change starts with you. This is how simple empowerment can be.

“A LOT of young people want to do something. They want to grow their local church. They want to change their community.”

Is this how you perceive the youth in your local church?

This is what one of the Alongsider coordinators in Cambodia says to local pastors when he shares the Alongsiders vision with them for the first time. Many of them say, "Where did you get this idea? It's such a great idea to educate young people and to change the community. Can you come back next week?" 

Of course, not every pastor responds this way, and not all young Christians fit his description. But again and again, we are seeing people of all ages who know something needs to change. And they see in Alongsiders an opening. 

When this coordinator, whose name is Phearom, shares the same vision with a group of youth, he always starts with a story. Then he says: "Change starts with you." 

They know something needs to change. Next they need to decide what to do about it.

Is telling them "it starts with you" an impossible burden or an opportunity? We think it's an opportunity, and because God leads us by example in Jesus and by his Spirit, it's possible!

If the youth decide to respond, it's easy to start the process to become Alongsiders.

Recently, a new Alongsider named Nisai said, "I felt at first like only smart people, older people, or leaders could be Alongsiders. Not just any member of the church. Then I heard that I could do it, too! I chose my little brother because I felt he wasn't feeling secure or loved in his family. His father drinks every day and hits him. I want to protect him. I also want to help him with his school work and keep him from gambling or drinking.

The danger facing any movement is the temptation to turn it into a performance based program that leaders try to manage and control. This is what happens whenever we doubt that the Spirit can (or will) lead people to act in love. 

Recognizing this danger, we emphasize and remind ourselves that the role of leaders in Alongsider movements is to inspire and empower, not to manage and control others. 

That doesn't mean we can't be intentional or organized. A great example of a brilliantly organized movement that avoids managing or controlling its members is Alcoholics Anonymous.  The structure and requirements of Alcoholics Anonymous are so simple that anyone can understand them and carry them out. Even so, they ask MUCH of their members, and their members give it gladly. They don't need or care about rewards and obligations because their lives are being transformed!

That's what we want to see. We share the vision so that when it takes hold, groups of Alongsiders will be led by the Spirit to serve and love their neighbors -- starting with the most vulnerable ones.

Paul understood the importance of keeping the movement of Christ simple. He wrote to the Galatians, "For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Gal. 5:14).

Nisai, the Alongsider quoted above, felt insecure in his faith and role in God's Kingdom. But now he and the other Alongsiders in his group are sending out a ripple effect through their village. They're inspired and empowered. They've decided what they want to do.

What they're doing, loving their neighbors as themselves, is not an add-on to the gospel. It's the core work of walking in the Spirit and being the church together.

It would be so easy to use money to solve this problem, but we won't. Here's why.

Sometimes all it takes to solve a problem, with the possibility of changing a child's life, is just a little bit of money. If you've got it, why not give it?

But we want to be very clear about how God has called us to serve, as a discipleship movement. And not try to be all things to all people - or to try to solve every problem that a community faces. This is why we need the wider body of Christ.

Not long ago, I was following a small group of Alongsiders and their little sisters on the backroads of a popular tourist city here in Cambodia. We walked along a dirt road, dodging sections flooded by a flurry of rain, and we came to a community of the working poor. 

The group stopped and two little sisters pointed out the places where they live. One of the girls, Bourmey (13), beckoned me to her home a few feet off the road and introduced me to her grandmother, who was sitting outside. Theary (19), who is Bourmey's Alongsider, then took a moment to tell me Bourmey's story...

Bourmey standing in front of her house

Bourmey lives with her mother, grandmother, and two sisters. Her father divorced her mother and left the family three years ago, when Bourmey was ten. Bourmey's mother works at a hotel where she earns about $150 per month. Her older sister is also working, but her ailing grandmother can't work anymore. The five of them live on less than $2 per day each. That amount might be sufficient for rice farmers in the countryside, but they live in an urban tourist center with a higher cost of living and no way to raise their own food.

Theary finished by stating, matter-of-factly, that soon Bourmey will have to drop out of school. The family simply can't afford the cost, and they would like her to go to work somehow. 

So there it was, the unspoken question: Can Alongsiders (as an organization) help Bourmey?

This photo of Cambodian school children was posted online with a request for $10 donations to a respected organization in order to "send a child to school."

It wouldn't take much to make a difference, just a few dollars (or a few kilograms of rice) every month to take the pressure off the family. That's all it would take for Bourmey to stay in school and on track for a better life. If only it were that simple.

In the Alongsiders movement, many little brothers and sisters are among the poorest of the poor economically. Many of their lives seem to hang in the balance for lack of a few dollars a month. I've written here on the blog about Piya who is ashamed to attend school because she can't afford a uniform, and more recently about Saron, a compassionate Alongsider who feels like her future is in jeopardy if she can't get into a free nurse training program.

Surely we could raise money for children and Alongsiders in need, and many people would gladly contribute. Why not?

Here are three important reasons we have decided not to use funds in this way:

1. The most important reason that we are cautious about bringing in outside funds is that many young people who serve as Alongsiders would no longer see any need to give from their own, seemingly meager, resources to support their little brothers and sisters. They would lose the opportunity to be generous and part of the solution, not to mention the chance to grow in faith (hint: think about what Jesus did with 5 barley loaves and 2 small fish). Generosity is an important aspect of discipleship that we want to nurture - but outside funds usually overpower rather than empower.

2. Future Alongsiders would be under pressure to pick relatives and friends as their little brothers and sisters, rather than being motivated primarily by love and choosing the most vulnerable children. It's simply expected, when you come from a family that is struggling with poverty themselves, that you share lucrative connections and opportunities with family and friends first.

3. The majority of little brothers and sisters come from very poor families, so many of them have clear and pressing needs. Once the word got out that Alongsiders was helping financially, the Alongsiders staff would be flooded with requests. And if requests were not met, or if some families received more than others, there would be jealousy and anger. To meet the requests fairly, each situation would have to be investigated, analyzed, and administrated. Soon Alongsiders as an organization would be running a centralized program based on distributing money. It would no longer be a grassroots discipleship movement with nearly unlimited growth potential.

It's not hard to read the list above and agree with the reasoning in principle. Though the Alongsiders movement is having a widespread impact, it should still be clear that Alongsiders is not a "magic bullet" that solves every problem under the sun. We don't drill wells where there is a lack of water. We don't build houses or schools or factories. And we don't give school fees. There are many good NGO's who do those things - and together we make up the body of Christ.

Still, it's another thing to face Bourmey knowing that the organization could help financially, but it won't.

But understand the story doesn't end there. We must give credit for what people even in hard circumstances can do to help each other. And we need to have faith.

In 2013, Alongsiders International worked with an independent research team to measure the impact that Cambodian Alongsiders were having in the lives of their little brothers and sisters.

One of the most surprising findings was that 99 percent of the little brothers and sisters reported they were attending school. That was much higher than the percentage of their peers in the same communities attending school. It shows the power of the relationships that Alongsiders have with their little brothers and sisters and their families. 

Alongsiders is an exciting, growing movement that empowers people at the margins. It is raising up disciples of Jesus who act in love and faith. And they are making a significant impact on hundreds of children and families in Cambodia - and now in other countries, too. 

Can you see why we would want to protect this movement by not getting into the money distrubution and management business? (For the record, there ARE admirable organizations working with Cambodian families and providing school uniforms and other subsidies to help keep children in school. The intent here is not to say we should never give money.) 

It may seem unsatisfying to not know how Bourmey's story will end. Often blog posts like this one finish on a happy note. Know this: Bourmey is well loved and her story is far from over.

Theary and Bourmey

I want to end with a final word about money and how it's given.

It's been said here before that many Alongsiders use their own money to help support their little brothers and sisters in amazing acts of faith and generosity. We have MUCH to learn from them. As I was writing this post, I heard the following story, and I want to finish with it.

Phearom is one of the coordinators of Alongsiders Cambodia, and he is an Alongsider himself. When I asked about giving money to others, he used himself as an example. I know he earns a modest salary, and I know most of it goes to support his parents and siblings. But he started by simply saying he never gives money to anyone unless he has a relationship with the person first. I wish that more organizations and ministries could say the same. Then he gave this example:

My little brother joined a soccer team and so he wanted to get a soccer uniform, but he didn't have enough money. I said that I would help him buy a uniform, but first he had to go to school, study hard, and rise to number one in his class. He has been going to school every day, and he has been studying hard. It's been nearly a year already, and he is almost number one in his class. I think he'll get the uniform soon.

As you think about this very simple story, ask yourself: How much money is he talking about, and is it "a lot" or "a little"? What will be the results of giving it? What is his sense of urgency? What can you learn from this?

How the Alongsiders movement emerged from an orphan crisis...

An ancient Chinese proverb teaches us that, “A crisis is an opportunity riding the dangerous wind.” 

This is the story of how the first Alongsiders movement grew out of the orphan crisis in Cambodia...

It was 2001.

An estimated 220,000 Cambodians were "living" with HIV/AIDS. Since no treatment was available in Cambodia at the time, they were dying at an estimated rate of 15,000 people per year. More than 150,000 had died since the epidemic began in 1991, and they would continue to die at high rates for another five years.

Many Cambodian children lost one or both parents to AIDS, and worldwide there was a mad scramble to open new orphanages, urged on by statistics predicting millions of AIDS orphans. (An orphan in most countries, including Cambodia, is defined as a child who has lost at least one parent.) 

Even so the vast majority of AIDS orphans were cared for by surviving parents and relatives. 

At that time, Craig Greenfield was overseeing a community-based health program in a Phnom Penh slum. As the number of orphans grew, rather than starting an orphanage, the program came alongside surviving family members and relatives to help them care for the orphaned children themselves. (You can read about this story, including why they didn't start an orphanage, in Craig's book, The Urban Halo.)

The community-based care program was successful, but there was a noticeable gap. As Craig saw it, the children and families needed "love, discipleship, coaching and mentoring - but only a movement of people would meet that need."

One day while wrestling with this challenge he had an "a-ha" moment. The local churches, he thought, had many young people who could do the work - they just needed to be mobilized. 

The first Alongsiders were young adults recruited from relatively well-off churches and communities in Phnom Penh and assigned as big brothers and big sisters for slum children orphaned by AIDS (or at risk of being orphaned).

It worked to a degree, but some changes had to be made. Two of the most important changes were: 

1)  the decision to recruit Alongsiders from churches located WITHIN slums and marginalized communities, and

2) giving Alongsiders the responsibility to prayerfully choose little brothers and sisters themselves from the most vulnerable children in their own neighborhoods. The result has been a growing movement of young people at the margins.

Now it's 2015 and we continue to hear about the orphan crisis in Cambodia, even though the number of orphans has dramatically decreased. What we don't hear enough is:

• that 90 - 95 percent of orphans are being cared for by their surviving parents and relatives
• that studies have shown poverty, not a lack of parents or any other single issue, is the most significant indicator for whether a child will be put in an orphanage.

The good news - perhaps surprising - is that so many orphans and vulnerable children are being cared for by parents and relatives.

The challenge is that many single parents and grandparents in economically poor communities need support.  

It's often a very tenuous thread that prevents orphans and the most vulnerable children from being sent to orphanages or put at risk in other ways (ranging from abuse and neglect to human trafficking). What breaks the thread? A crisis without any means to fall back on, the ongoing stresses of poverty, the burdens of discouragement and isolation, and a lack of resources to provide for a child's education.

That's where Alongsiders comes in.

Alongsiders is an orphan care movement, but not in any "top-down" sense that orphan care may imply. Alongsiders, as an organization, empowers young Cambodians, via local churches, to provide practical support for orphans in their own communities. Simple as their actions may be, this helps parents and relatives, who are often stretched to the extremes, care for their own orphaned and vulnerable children.

Forty-one percent of the little brothers and sisters in Alongsiders Cambodia are orphans. Many of the remaining fifty-nine percent have parents, but they are in the care of their grandparents or relatives for various reasons.

Here is how one Alongsider (himself orphaned) describes the impact Alongsiders can have on orphans who become their little brothers and sisters:

“I think the most important thing is that they see someone cares for them and that they’re not alone... Sometimes the Alongsider was an orphan too and understands... When you don’t have family you’re so hurting inside, and scared...

When they see they’re not alone they have happiness, and they aren’t as angry. Maybe they help around the house more... They know their own value and so they become stronger.

If they start to know Jesus they are even more happy because they have more friends at church. They are not alone any more.”

The Alongsiders movement grew out of a major crisis facing the nation of Cambodia - the crisis of neglected and impoverished children. It is the same crisis that so many developing nations face in the world today. 

The seeds of hope and faith are always there. But sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.

Join us in praying for life to come from death, good to emerge from tragedy, and young Christians to rise up all over the world in response to the crisis facing their orphaned children.

Why work with local churches?

I went to a rural church to follow-up with a group of Alongsiders, and I asked them how they chose their little brothers and sisters out of all the children in the community. One of the young women started to cry as she answered, and she said:

“I saw that one of the families in our community was suffering. The mother died, and the father went to Thailand to work and save money. Now the grandmother is raising all six children. I really wanted to help them, but I didn’t know what to do. After I heard about Alongsiders, I went and talked to the grandmother. I told her that I wanted to choose one of the girls to be my little sister, and she immediately said, ‘Yes!’”

Community children in a riverside village play and do chores at dusk.

Phearom relates this story. He's one of the national coordinators for Alongsiders Cambodia, and he's constantly networking with pastors and visiting churches to invite the youth to join the movement. 

His story is an illustration of why we work with local churches. 

The young woman had a heart of compassion, and she was already connected in her own village and aware of people in need there. She was poised to act, but she was waiting for an opening.

There are others like her, and there are many, many remote villages in Cambodia. How can an organization based in the capital reach and mobilize them?

The answer that makes the most sense, especially for a Christian organization, is to work through local churches. Local churches are already in place in hundreds of remote villages, and their members already have relationships and local knowledge that organizations coming from outside dream of having. And the local churches come with leaders and structures included.

They are resources hidden in plain site, often overlooked because they are - like their communities - small and seemingly isolated.  

Local churches aren't just gateways to villages, they provide critical backup for the Alongsiders. The little brothers and sisters don't just get the support and attention of one person, but they gain access to a community with varied gifts, wisdom, and resources.

When we work with a local church, the local church benefits.

Local churches are people, the Body of Christ with faces and names. Partnering with Alongsiders helps them practice evangelism in the truest sense: by embodying and proclaiming good news for people who are struggling and alone in their own communities.

Alongsiders is also discipleship in action, starting with the youth and young adults who participate (who are the majority in their churches). The young woman in the story above just needed encouragement to do something. As regular people like her take risks in faith and love, they will grow in Christ - and local churches will grow in healthy ways.

Finally, the communities benefit. Strengthening ties, building trust, and helping local people to face local problems together are all good development practices. Local churches can play a key role in serving their whole communities. 

Local men in a remote village work together to build a simple house.

Despite all of the big words, what Alongsiders actually do for their little brothers and sisters is simple, and simply transforming.

And...you can do it, too.

Does your Christian community divide evangelism, discipleship, justice, and compassion into separate categories? Neglect one or more of them? Or put them off by calling them specialized roles?

Put them all together in love by coming alongside someone isolated and in need of a friend or mentor. You can be a light at the margins of your community, and no need to go alone. Invite others to join in! 

There are also challenges in working with local churches. That sticky topic will be addressed in the next post!

How to keep a movement going

Movements that change society emerge and grow in villages, neighborhoods, streets, and workplaces as regular people actively take their parts. Organizations may tend to centralize leadership and power, but movements must allow leadership and power to reside at the (human) edges.

Our goal at Alongsiders is to empower and release movements of young people who make long term commitments to walk alongside the most vulnerable children in their own communities. Such movements would transform individuals, churches, and society. 

Big words. But these high hopes boil down to lots of young people in scattered communities at the margins of society and what they do with the vision entrusted to them.

Last week both Serey and Phearom, who direct and coordinate Alongsiders Cambodia, went to a village in Kandal Province to meet with a group of Alongsiders who joined about a year ago. The main purpose was follow-up, and also to orient some new Alongsiders. 

Serey teaches the 8 commitments of an Alongsider - using a flipchart

Becoming an Alongsider is a long-term commitment based on trust. Most of the time no one is looking over their shoulder to see if they spend time with their little brothers and sisters each week. They aren't paid or rewarded, except for an invitation to national camp each year. What they do flows out of motivation and character qualities like faithfulness, generosity, and a willingness to share as they learn and grow - all rooted in the love of Christ.

Yet most Alongsiders are young people whose character is still forming. It's a process of discipleship for them. They need words of encouragement and refreshment of the vision, plus examples to follow. That Sunday afternoon, Serey and Phearom took time to travel to the village and meet face-to-face. They carefully reviewed what Alongsiders is all about and talked honestly.

“When we meet with a group that has been going for six months or a year, we remind them of why they became Alongsiders and encourage them. They also hear what the others in their group are doing. That’s important, because they may not realize all that can be done. Many of them do better after we visit. Follow-up is really important, but it’s also a challenge as we grow.”

— Phearom, Alongsiders Cambodia Coordinator

Serey was an Alongsider herself for years before she became the national coordinator. She epitomizes faithfulness in her leadership and in her ongoing relationship with her own little sister. She earnestly desires Alongsiders to be committed and faithful.

Phearom came to Alongsiders after serving in a national youth organization. He is passionate about education and mentoring. He hopes Alongsider mentors will be a potent force for education and change in Cambodian lives and society.

Phearom leads a group of little brothers/sisters in a warm up game

On this day, they trade off roles. Serey goes through the vision and expectations in all seriousness, while Phearom goes outside and organizes fun games for a group of little brothers and sisters and their friends. Later he comes inside and leads a discussion about child protection issues, and he encourages the Alongsiders in his own humorous way. 

Phearom teaches on how to recognize trafficking or abuse... and how to respond.

The two compliment each other: Serey's stability and Phearom's zeal. They are both very earnest about Alongsiders. Afterwards they offer candid assessments: two or three in the group seem very dedicated, a couple are less sure. But it was a good meeting.

And then it's time to go and release the movement back into the hands of these young people. And trust God.

The Body of Christ is moving.  

No-one ever washes a rental car

Seth Godin points out that no-one ever bothers to wash a rental car. Why? Because there's no sense of ownership. And a sense of ownership is required in order for someone to go the extra mile.

In Alongsiders, we are serious about fostering a sense of ownership amongst those in the movement. It's not just lip-service. We build it in from the ground up.

Here is one of the key ways we try to do that:

Alongsider mentors choose their own little brother or little sister.

Rather than matching up mentors with kids that have been previously selected by some outside group or organization, the Alongsider mentors themselves prayerfully discern which child they will personally walk alongside. They select a vulnerable child from nearby their own house, in the same community. For some, this is a several months-long process of discernment.

And the result? Alongsider mentors are more likely to take the relationship seriously, have a sense of ownership of that relationship, and go the extra mile. We have some mentors who have been faithfully walking alongside their little brother or sister for more than a decade.

Cambodians have a proverb - it takes a spider to repair its own web. In other words, it is going to take insiders to transform a society.

In order to be motivated to work for this kind of deep transformation, those insiders need to own the work. They need to lead the charge. They need to have a sense that they are responsible for the change that needs to take place. They need to deeply commit. And that only happens when they are given ownership.

But here's the catch. Empowering young people, giving them ownership, means having less control. And this is the core issue we have to face in our movements and organizations. Sure, we want to empower and give ownership. BUT....

...are we willing to give up control?

No-one ever washes a rental car. No-one pours out their heart and soul for something they don't truly have a sense of ownership or responsibility for.

So which path will you choose?

Control or transformation?

Movement vs Monument - which one are you building?

Alongsiders has a different DNA. That's why we shy away from terms like "charity" or "non-profit" or even "ministry". Every aspect of what we do is designed to be more Movement than Monument. This is not just clever rhetoric, but impacts everything we do.

Here are a few ways this plays out:

Goal

The goal of a Monument is to entertain a larger audience and pull a bigger crowd. The goal of a Movement is to equip an army of people. The former places the emphasis and spotlight on the organization. The latter places the emphasis on what God is doing in people, especially the poorest.

Influence

A Monument is about more people hearing OUR message. The Alongsiders movement, in contrast, is about more people being heard. It's about vulnerable children having a voice and being listened to, knowing they are loved, cherished and valued by God.

Leadership

A Monument seeks to ordain a select few - the elites, the gifted, the special ones - Leaders! The Alongsiders movement, in contrast, works to ordain and empower the ordinary masses, believing that everyone has something to offer - even the poorest, the least educated, especially the ones who have been labelled "victims".

Growth

A Monument grows through better, more efficient and clever programming. It is primarily organizational growth. A Movement grows organically, because it seeks to inspire better DNA in each person. A Monument grows through steady addition. A Movement grows exponentially through multiplication.

Control

Monuments seek to maintain order and control the outcomes. Movements value order and structure but do not seek to control the outcome. Authority in a Monument is delegated from the top. In a Movement, authority is delegated out toward the margins.

Style

In a Monument, complexity secures the organization's place at the center of things. The organization specializes in order to become indispensable. In contrast, a Movement is simple yet profound. It can be easily understood and easily replicated by anyone - yet the impact is deep and long-lasting.

Training

A Monument relies on inspiring teaching events to train people. The Alongsiders movement seeks to empower everyone to be a trainer in different contexts, learning as they themselves teach others.

Results

The end result of a monument is dependence. The fruit of a true movement is empowerment.

So, which are you investing in? Are you building a monument or a movement?