How to keep a movement going
Keeping a movement growing and thriving is not an easy task. But these two leaders have figured some things out...
Movements that change society emerge and grow in villages, neighborhoods, streets, and workplaces as regular people actively take their parts. Organizations may tend to centralize leadership and power, but movements must allow leadership and power to reside at the (human) edges.
Our goal at Alongsiders is to empower and release movements of young people who make long term commitments to walk alongside the most vulnerable children in their own communities. Such movements would transform individuals, churches, and society.
Big words. But these high hopes boil down to lots of young people in scattered communities at the margins of society and what they do with the vision entrusted to them.
Last week both Serey and Phearom, who direct and coordinate Alongsiders Cambodia, went to a village in Kandal Province to meet with a group of Alongsiders who joined about a year ago. The main purpose was follow-up, and also to orient some new Alongsiders.
Serey teaches the 8 commitments of an Alongsider - using a flipchart
Becoming an Alongsider is a long-term commitment based on trust. Most of the time no one is looking over their shoulder to see if they spend time with their little brothers and sisters each week. They aren't paid or rewarded, except for an invitation to national camp each year. What they do flows out of motivation and character qualities like faithfulness, generosity, and a willingness to share as they learn and grow - all rooted in the love of Christ.
Yet most Alongsiders are young people whose character is still forming. It's a process of discipleship for them. They need words of encouragement and refreshment of the vision, plus examples to follow. That Sunday afternoon, Serey and Phearom took time to travel to the village and meet face-to-face. They carefully reviewed what Alongsiders is all about and talked honestly.
“When we meet with a group that has been going for six months or a year, we remind them of why they became Alongsiders and encourage them. They also hear what the others in their group are doing. That’s important, because they may not realize all that can be done. Many of them do better after we visit. Follow-up is really important, but it’s also a challenge as we grow.”
Serey was an Alongsider herself for years before she became the national coordinator. She epitomizes faithfulness in her leadership and in her ongoing relationship with her own little sister. She earnestly desires Alongsiders to be committed and faithful.
Phearom came to Alongsiders after serving in a national youth organization. He is passionate about education and mentoring. He hopes Alongsider mentors will be a potent force for education and change in Cambodian lives and society.
Phearom leads a group of little brothers/sisters in a warm up game
On this day, they trade off roles. Serey goes through the vision and expectations in all seriousness, while Phearom goes outside and organizes fun games for a group of little brothers and sisters and their friends. Later he comes inside and leads a discussion about child protection issues, and he encourages the Alongsiders in his own humorous way.
Phearom teaches on how to recognize trafficking or abuse... and how to respond.
The two compliment each other: Serey's stability and Phearom's zeal. They are both very earnest about Alongsiders. Afterwards they offer candid assessments: two or three in the group seem very dedicated, a couple are less sure. But it was a good meeting.
And then it's time to go and release the movement back into the hands of these young people. And trust God.
The Body of Christ is moving.
This young leader faces a big dilemma. Her story will inspire you.
There are extraordinary people hidden just out of sight at the margins of society.
“I am less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.”
Chanthy is not average. She's really quite amazing and unique. She's an example of why we want to empower and release Cambodians to lead, rather than relying on the tired model of foreigners controlling the wheel.
As Stephen Jay Gould attests in the quote to the right, there are extraordinary people hidden just out of sight at the margins of society.
Chanthy is a farmer's daughter with exceptional energy and capacity. Though few, perhaps, are quite like her, many capable yet unrecognized Cambodians are ready to love and lead in surprising ways.
Four months ago, Chanthy gathered a dozen or so youth from the rural church she pastors, and they all became Alongsider mentors together. She is the small group leader. On the day they officially signed up, she was charged with excitement as her new little sister stood beaming beside her.
Chanthy, left, with six of the new Alongsiders from her community.
That evening she returned home after dark and helped her parents tend a tremendous pot of curry simmering over coals outside their house. It cooked all night, and the next morning they rose together before dawn to crack coconuts and squeeze the pulp, shell garlic, and add the final spices. About 6:30 a.m. people began arriving and leaving with enough delicious food to feed their families. They fed more than 200 people that day.
Chanthy's family isn't rich. They saved for months for that day. It was during the week of P'chum Ben, one of the most important Buddhist festivals in the country. As devout Buddhists, Chanthy's family had brought food to the local temple every year and given it to the monks. In theory, the food they gave was supposed to help feed the poor, but that didn't always happen. After coming to faith in Jesus, the family decided to continue to tradition, but they elected to give food directly to the poorest families in their community.
This year was the first time they tried it.
Chanthy had come to faith first. She walked over to the Christian church to learn what Jesus was about, and she never turned back. That was just over a year ago, and it didn't go over well. "My parents scolded me," she says. It must have been a serious scolding, because she moved out of her home and slept at the church for three months. But it was her parents who relented, and soon after her whole family put their trust in Jesus as well.
Chanthy is a force that's hard to resist. At some point in her life she developed a very strong character.
She was born in a refugee camp in Thailand. Her parents had fled there when Vietnam invaded Cambodia in 1979, and they stayed for the next twelve years.
When the family returned to Cambodia they erected a shelter on a piece of land in an isolated village north of Phnom Penh, and they began the nearly impossible task of starting from nothing as rice farmers. After some years of hard-scrabble existence, the family desperately needed a break, and Chanthy provided it. She went to Malaysia, where she took a risk, employing herself as a nanny for a rich family. Many Cambodian nannies have endured tragic abuses, but fortunately Chanthy was hired by a good family. They paid fairly, and she even got to travel to Japan and Korea with her employer on business trips. When she returned home, she gave all the money she had saved to her parents, and they used it to build their house.
Now Chanthy is the assistant pastor at her church. The "real" pastor, she explains, lives in Phnom Penh and visits once a month.
She doesn't receive a salary. She rises at 3 a.m. daily to help fix food for the family. Then she goes to a nearby high school where she spends the morning selling snacks to the students. She makes about $1.25 each day.
On Sunday she drives a wide loop on her motorcycle and visits five "house churches." On the way, she buys a huge load of snack food using her earnings. At each stop, a crowd of children gather and listen to her share from the Bible. A few adults hover nearby, some listening and others idly chatting. When she finishes teaching, she distributes the snacks and moves on.
Chanthy teaches young children from the Bible. Afterward a group of older youth took their place and Chanthy led them through a more advanced version of the same teaching. Chanthy is learning how to teach the Bible at a Bible school in the nearby city, and each week she teaches what she recently learned there.
"I love children," she says, and she repeats herself until she is sure she has made herself clear. "I really love children. People ignore them and treat them badly, especially poor children, but I love them."
But later she admits she dreams of leaving the countryside, and she worries what will happen to the children without her. She points to the beauty all around and flatly states that she hates the crowded streets and noise of Phnom Penh. But she wants to learn more and expand her life. She feels, well, marginalized. "I'm not doing anything here, she says, oblivious to the incongruity in her words.
Herein lies the challenge. The big dilemma.
Alongsiders is working with young leaders at the grassroots. They are doing things and going places foreign workers and even Cambodians schooled in the cities could hardly emulate or follow.
Yet they live in a world that tells them relentlessly, just as it tells us, that they are insignificant unless they land a particular kind of job or reach a certain status. If they shine as leaders, there are companies and big-budget organizations that will hire and take them away.
But we will not be discouraged. Right now the work of enduring beauty and significance in the Kingdom of God is being done by Chanthy and her fellow Alongsiders!
We often celebrate the children of Alongsiders - the little brothers and sisters - but today we're grateful for the Alongsider leaders and mentors, who are more often than not young men and women who have grown up at the margins themselves.
May we have eyes to see them, a vision that includes and expands with them, and a willingness to trust them with it. And let us learn to walk with them without using or corrupting them (and that, in itself, is a challenge worthy of writing about another day).
Thank God for them, and pray that the Lord of the Harvest - who must have an affinity with farmers judging by the way Jesus taught and talked about Him - will raise up more amazing and unique leaders to serve as Alongsiders.
By knowing how to heal the family, I know how to heal the world.
How do we begin to address brokenness, violence, alcoholism and neglect within families?
“I hope one day my little brother will be a good father. If I’m a good example, he can learn from me.
”
A little brother with his new Alongsider mentor
During the 1970's, the Khmer Rouge set out to destroy the family as an institution in Cambodia. They separated children from their parents; young adults were forced to marry partners selected by the state; and countless fathers were led away and never returned. The state, in it's role as father and mother, enforced order with violence.
That was two generations ago, but dig beneath the surface today and nearly every Cambodian seems to have a heart-wrenching story involving family relationships, including those who grew up after the Khmer Rouge. The problem is no longer what happened 40 years ago, but what is happening today.
We see two prevailing challenges: domestic violence and a shortage of parental care.
“In poor families, one problem is violence. The husband and wife are under stress. Some people use alcohol or drugs and fight every day, especially the husband. He doesn’t earn enough to support the family and feels frustrated.
Another problem in poor families is that both parents are busy. They have to work long hours and there is no one to look after the children, so they are at high risk.”
What can Alongsider mentors do in the face of such needs? They offer themselves as a go-between, and they come with new ways of thinking and acting.
In last year's impact assessment, half the little brothers and sisters reported receiving help with conflict or discrimination within their family or community. This compared with less than a quarter of similar children without Alongsiders in their communities.
Our research shows that many Alongsider mentors intervene in practical ways in these situations. This is in addition to other important forms of support, such as prayer and encouragement.
Alongsider mentors also introduce new ways of thinking. The most direct way they do this is by using the comic book curriculum.
The stories and images in the comic books portray alternatives to violence and new ways of looking at relationships. But it's not just the comic books that matter, it's also the process of using them that can make a difference.
Little sisters enjoying the latest comic
“Adults don’t know how to sit a child down and talk through problems. They just say what is right or wrong. If a child does wrong, the parents pinch them or hit them with a switch.”
Alongsider mentors are being trained to read and discuss the stories in the comic books with their little brothers and sisters. Discussion, reflection, and evaluation of conflicts and behaviors is an important discipline for growth in relationships. Simply working through this process together is a learning experience.
Then the lessons contain powerful insights. Forgiveness is revolutionary in any context, but especially in communities where forgiveness is not a cultural value. Even a normal practice, such as saying thank you, can take on new dimensions. Often, Cambodian children are taught to thank people outside their families, but they rarely thank members of their own family. Our story about "Thankfulness" brings expressions of gratitude home to the family.
And the comic books don't necessarily stop at the first reading.
“My little brother read the comic with his sister and his cousin. Later I heard some kids repeating the words from the story, so I asked them about it. They said, ‘Oh, I liked this,’ or ‘I liked that.’”
But there are challenges.
Many Alongsider mentors develop good relationships with the families of their little brothers and sisters, but others struggle. As a younger person it can be difficult to communicate with older family members in a hierarchical society. Thus the engagement with families may be limited by cultural dynamics.
Most mentors read and discuss the comic books faithfully and carefully with their little brother or sister, but some struggle to find the time or don't follow the correct process.
These are growth challenges. They shouldn't be surprising in a country where few people reach outside their trusted circles of family and friends, and most people don't read or have discussions about what they've read.
But when Alongsider mentors visit their little brothers and sisters at home and develop relationships with their families, good things happen. We've seen entire families come to faith and behaviors start to change.
The changes we hope to see may take a generation to emerge. But families are the foundation of society. Better to start at the cracked foundation and restore that first.
In the words of famed American social worker and author Virginia Satir, known especially for her innovative approaches to family therapy:
“The family is a microcosm. By knowing how to heal the family, I know how to heal the world.”
One teenage girl's audacious idea
When Serey heard about Neang’s announcement, she went to ask some questions... What would she truly love to do that she felt she might be good at?
No one seemed to care about Neang*. Overlooked by everyone, she was the youngest child of a single mother whose father died when she was just three months old.
But one day, a young woman from the same community noticed Neang.
Serey was a 23 year-old Alongsider mentor prayerfully choosing a "little sister". She herself was searching for a way forward in life after growing up in poverty, so she knew the challenges facing Neang and wanted to serve. Serey says,
“Neang didn’t speak much, and she looked lonely. I loved her and wanted to help. There were other girls from poor families who I thought about as well, but her situation seemed more difficult. So I chose her.”
Serey and Neang early in their relationship
Today Serey is still a "big sister" to Neang. Serey has been walking alongside Neang for the past eight years.
“I became her friend. I encouraged her and met with her almost every day. I visited her house, and I talked with her family. She trusted me, and we had a good relationship. When she was eleven, she came to have faith in Jesus. ”
Neang is now 14 years old, and Serey still meets with her regularly. They are part of the same church family. But the challenges of growing up in a slum continue for Neang.
A few months ago Neang announced to her family that she would drop out of school after the 9th grade. The family needed money and she had a plan to attend classes to become a beautician and then open her own little beautician booth. She had heard about a government scholarship for vocational training. Besides, she liked make-up and hair-styling. She and her friends often practiced on each other. They like feeling beautiful.
For teenage girls living in the slum, some version of this story is the norm, not an exception. Among the poorest of the poor in Cambodia, just over half of the children attend primary school. Only a tiny percentage of students continue through high school.
And like students her age everywhere, Neang felt like she had been in school for a LONG time with no end in sight. Unlike students in many other places, the majority of her older role models have dropped out of school and taken jobs in local factories, and most of her peers will do the same. The money is very tempting, even $120 per month earned by working ten hour days, six days a week in a factory.
Neang’s grandmother, who runs the household, also liked the idea of Neang earning money to help with expenses. Neither Neang’s mother nor her grandmother finished high school, but they understand hard work. The sooner Neang gets a job or starts a small business, the sooner she can help support the family - and they can use the money.
Four years of high school (with significant costs in school supplies and fees) is a long time to wait. Besides, Neang's grades are average, and her family is poorer than most.
When Serey heard about Neang’s announcement, she went to meet with her and ask some questions. How would Neang get the money to open her own business? She didn't know. Serey probed further and asked Neang about her personal vision. She asked her to think about the long term. What would she truly love to do that she felt she might be good at?
"I would like to be a teacher," Neang answered softly.
Serey smiled her encouragement. "A teacher? What will it take to become a teacher?"
After discussing the options with Serey and her family, Neang decided to finish high school first, and then decide whether to go to beautician classes or university. Either way would present challenges, but having a high school diploma will be a tangible asset and possibly a way out of poverty.
Serey and Neang are firm friends today
Becoming a teacher is an audacious idea. Kids who grow up in the slum rarely become high school graduates; they rarely attend university; and they very rarely become teachers.
Having your own business is also a worthy goal.
Whatever direction Neang takes will require courage and dedication, and someone to walk alongside her as she makes big decisions.
You need someone standing with you to help you voice a vision. You need someone walking alongside to help you stick with that vision. Serey wants to be that person for Neang.
Neang says of her Alongsider mentor, "She encourages me. She helps me stay on a good path."
Neang is no longer overlooked. And with Serey's help, she might just see some of her audacious dreams come true.
Serey offers this insight, "When Neang was young she had a lot of shame, and she felt afraid. But she became brave."
* Neang's full name is Srey Neang
Who REALLY connects with the poorest of the poor? You'll be surprised by the answer...
Here at Alongsiders we say, "It takes a spider to repair it's own web." Here's the secret.
Discarded himself. Phea knows the value of things others see fit to discard.
Every day he took to the streets with a rice sack slung over his shoulder looking for rubbish that he could sell: plastic bottles, cardboard, cans, scrap metal, or broken items that could be repaired.
Some called him names as he made his rounds. Others physically accosted him. They didn't see value of a kid in tattered clothes sifting through the garbage.
One day as he worked he came across a group of excited children and youth. They were Alongsider mentors with their little brothers and sisters waiting for transportation to the annual Alongsiders camp. Phea saw that some were neighbors, not unlike himself, and he asked if he could go with them. They said he had to have an Alongsider mentor, and it was too late for that. But someone invited him to the local church to learn more.
Phea went to the church. He says, "I never got my own Alongsider - I was too old. But instead I found faith." So, he kept attending the church, and when he turned 18 he applied to become an Alongsider mentor himself.
Phea and Virek swimming at a local water park.
As his little brother, Phea chose a boy named Virek who had sometimes accompanied him collecting rubbish to sell. Virek's father died years ago, and his mother is living with a terminal illness. In addition to being very poor, even compared to other families in the slum, her sickness casts a stigma over her and her children. They stay with Virek's grandmother just up the alley from where Phea lives.
Having faced rejection, Phea knew Virek needed encouragement. Just around the corner from Virek's home is an Internet cafe where some boys gather who have dropped out of school. They work the streets a few hours each day and spend what money they earn or steal on video games, alcohol, and other diversions.
Life is hard in the slum, but it's most dangerous when youth lose hope and stop trying.
Through Phea's friendship and support, Virek returned to school. Now he is studying in the eighth grade. Though it's uncomfortable for him to talk about the future, he thinks about becoming a teacher.
So who really connects with the poorest of the poor?
Foreign workers, volunteers, and organizations are almost always on the outside looking in. Even local organizations are located, funded, and led from outside the places where the poorest of the poor live.
Virek is sensitive and reserved. His emotions are hidden. He's vulnerable and knows it. His story comes out slowly in two or three word phrases. I can imagine a foreign worker or volunteer being drawn to Virek, trying to unearth his mysteries, and coaxing out a smile or two.
Phea knows what goes on behind the smile. He knows the hurt. He connects deeply with Virek because he is alongside of Virek in every way.
Phea and Virek enjoying a meal together.
Here at Alongsiders we say, "It takes a spider to repair it's own web."
The poorest of the poor are uniquely situated to connect with and support each other. They "get it" where others don't.
Sadly, there are divisions among the poor themselves: fault lines of mistrust, power, and fear. So the poor often feel alone and isolated even in their own communities.
Alongsider mentors like Phea are crossing those lines.
They connect with the poorest of the poor.
And they are not just connecting with their little brothers and sisters. They are connecting with families and building bridges of trust within their communities so that others can follow.
The ONE thing everyone overlooks about poverty
After hearing so many stories of children experiencing poverty, a recurring theme began to emerge - something most people overlook about poverty...
We listen to stories.
In particular, we listen to the stories of vulnerable children.
And after hearing so many stories of children in difficult circumstances, a recurring theme began to emerge - something most people overlook about poverty.
You may be thinking children's main experience of poverty, the thing that impacted them most, would be:
- a lack of money for basic necessities
- only a single set of clothes to wear
- skipped meals and feeling hungry, or
- having to work from a very young age
All these answers are true in given cases, but they only tell part of the story.
Poverty is bigger and deeper than what we see. It affects family and community relationships, and it can threaten to derail the most basic needs of children. The needs that, when met, help them grow into healthy adults. In particular, a sense of belonging and personal significance.
Isolation.
Rejection.
Exclusion.
These themes come up again and again in the stories we hear from young people who have grown up in poverty.
“I was alone.”
"I had no one I could trust."
“Nobody cared for me.”
“People looked down on me and treated me badly.”
The most hidden and misunderstood aspect of poverty is how it breaks and weakens relationships, leaving children (and adults) alone, rejected, fearful and emotionally wounded.
That's why the approach that Alongsiders takes to poverty is relational. The work that the Alongsider mentors are doing is transforming children and their families and communities on every level, including the level of emotional health, and it’s exciting to see in action.
Alongsider mentors are young adults who have themselves grown up in poor communities. They choose “little brothers and sisters” from their own communities - unrelated kids who are in vulnerable situations - and set out to love and mentor them as if they were family.
“The most important thing I learned from my Alongsider was love.
I know God loves me, because she loved me.”
--a former little sister, now an Alongsider mentor
We hear many stories about the impacts made by Alongsiders, and so many of them revolve around love and friendship overcoming isolation and rejection. But stories, even inspiring ones, are not hard to gather. We wanted to dig deeper and better understand how Alongsiders are changing the lives of little brothers and sisters.
Last year, we decided to survey a large group of little brothers and sisters from several provinces across Cambodia. The questions were carefully chosen and worded.
The same survey was given to an equal number of similar children in the same communities who are not being mentored by Alongsiders (a control group). All of this was done using objective research methods by an independent team.
What we learned was very encouraging. Having an Alongsider makes a significant difference in the lives of the little brothers and sisters. You can see the full report here.
The little brothers and sisters clearly perceive a positive effect on their emotional wellbeing. We hoped so, since the work of Alongsiders is founded on loving relationships, and it was a welcome confirmation. This is just one snapshot of what is happening. Again, you can see all the numbers in our 2013 impact assessment here.
How encouraging that Cambodian youth are the ones changing the lives of Cambodian children! And it's not just children who are changing. Families, communities, churches, and the Alongsiders themselves are being transformed in the process. It's all the more encouraging that these youth, who have grown up in poverty, have become mentors empowered to serve out of their own experience of marginalization.
No-one ever washes a rental car
Seth Godin points out that no-one ever bothers to wash a rental car. The reason why is of critical importance to Alongsiders.
Seth Godin points out that no-one ever bothers to wash a rental car. Why? Because there's no sense of ownership. And a sense of ownership is required in order for someone to go the extra mile.
In Alongsiders, we are serious about fostering a sense of ownership amongst those in the movement. It's not just lip-service. We build it in from the ground up.
Here is one of the key ways we try to do that:
Alongsider mentors choose their own little brother or little sister.
Rather than matching up mentors with kids that have been previously selected by some outside group or organization, the Alongsider mentors themselves prayerfully discern which child they will personally walk alongside. They select a vulnerable child from nearby their own house, in the same community. For some, this is a several months-long process of discernment.
And the result? Alongsider mentors are more likely to take the relationship seriously, have a sense of ownership of that relationship, and go the extra mile. We have some mentors who have been faithfully walking alongside their little brother or sister for more than a decade.
Cambodians have a proverb - it takes a spider to repair its own web. In other words, it is going to take insiders to transform a society.
In order to be motivated to work for this kind of deep transformation, those insiders need to own the work. They need to lead the charge. They need to have a sense that they are responsible for the change that needs to take place. They need to deeply commit. And that only happens when they are given ownership.
But here's the catch. Empowering young people, giving them ownership, means having less control. And this is the core issue we have to face in our movements and organizations. Sure, we want to empower and give ownership. BUT....
...are we willing to give up control?
No-one ever washes a rental car. No-one pours out their heart and soul for something they don't truly have a sense of ownership or responsibility for.
So which path will you choose?
Control or transformation?
Spiritual transformation starts here
Bob Goff, author of Love Does, likes to say, "No one really gets discipled, they get loved; we learn what we see, not what we only hear about."
Bob Goff, author of Love Does, likes to say, "No one really gets discipled, they get loved; we learn what we see, not what we only hear about."
That's why we're reluctant to reduce the Alongsiders relationship to a study program or a curriculum. Truly it is love. And this love inevitably bears spiritual fruit. For if we experience another person loving us, then we are better able to understand that there is a God who loves us too.
‘My Alongsider showed me so much love when she comforted me when my parents were angry with me’. - Little Sister, Takeo Province
Recently, we asked our little brothers and sisters a few questions about their faith, and we asked questions of a control group as well. All up - we interviewed over 330 young people.
The study results show that something encouraging is stirring within the hearts of hundreds of little brothers and sisters across Cambodia. There is not only emotional, social and educational impact. There is spiritual growth too:
So how does it work? How does spiritual transformation begin?
Alongsider mentors are especially motivated to reach out to children who are neglected, orphaned and struggling. Such children typically experience feelings of hopelessness, abandonment and rejection.
As a relationship with their mentor develops, they are welcomed into the church family. In fact, 94% of our little brothers and sisters freely choose to become part of the local church. Through that loving community they gain a crucial support network and sense of belonging.
They learn that God loves them. And they begin to experience spiritual transformation.
Jesus taught us to welcome children into our midst. And he showed us the way to disciple and mentor others - by spending lots of time together, walking, talking and eating together. His methods of discipleship were not merely dry academic study. Instead, Jesus shared life with his disciples. They laughed, cried and ministered together.
Through the example of their Alongsider mentors, hundreds of children are experiencing that radical welcome and responding with joy. They understand that they are cared for and loved by God, both day-to-day and forever. They know that they are not alone. Because someone walks alongside them, Jesus-style.
[Research results mentioned above come from the Alongsiders Impact Assessment 2013. ]